


Just Hold Me

by xSmallTownGirlx



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew Minyard Has Feelings, Comfort/Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Canon, References to Depression, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:24:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSmallTownGirlx/pseuds/xSmallTownGirlx
Summary: Neil had seen quite a few of Andrew's bad days over the years they spent together but there hasn't been one this bad in a long while. Andrew wouldn't move, he wouldn't speak. He'd just lay there in their bed, on his side and do nothing. He was wandering in his mind, lost in bad memories and hurtful pasts.Sometimes Andrew wanted him close, sometimes he wanted to be alone. One day he wanted to be touched in simple, sweet ways, other days he'd resent just the smallest touch. Maybe he wanted Neil to talk, or maybe he needed it to be silent, or perhaps he'd just want to talk to Betsy on the phone.(Andrew has a very bad day and Neil just wants to help him. Hot Chocolate, Ice Cream, cuddles and talking about feeling involved.)





	Just Hold Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovely person who reads this,  
> This is my very first work for the All For The Game series and Andreil. So, here's the thing:  
> I was actually a little “afraid” to write something for AFTG because I’ll never be able to get Andrew and Neil just right.  
> They’re just so complex in the way Nora wrote them that I know I’ll never do it justice.  
> But I tried my best because this idea wouldn't get out of my head.

It was particularly bad on Wednesday morning.   
Neil had seen quite a few of Andrew's bad days over the years they spent together but there hasn't been one this bad in a long while. Andrew wouldn't move, he wouldn't speak. He'd just lay there in their bed, on his side and do nothing. He was wandering in his mind, lost in bad memories and hurtful pasts.   
Both of them were expected on court today, training with their team.   
  
Neil didn't need to ask Andrew if he's having a bad day, he didn't need to ask if he would get up and come to court today. Neil just knew.  
If Andrew wouldn't get up in the morning it had to be particularly bad because there's no way Andrew would not move otherwise.  
See, he's the kind of person who'd pretend everything is okay, and he's feeling fine until he's dying. Andrew doesn't stay in bed because he caught a cold or because his muscles hurt.  
  
Neil had seen him like this only a couple of times, still every time it happened he felt helpless and clueless. He wanted to help Andrew but he didn't know how. Every single one of those days was alike and yet completely different at the same time.   
  
Sometimes Andrew wanted him close, sometimes he wanted to be alone. One day he wanted to be touched in simple, sweet ways, other days he'd resent just the smallest touch. Maybe he wanted Neil to talk, or maybe he needed it to be silent, or perhaps he'd just want to talk to Betsy on the phone.  
  
“Do you want me to stay home with you?” Neil asked quietly, looking down at Andrew, already changed and almost ready to go.  
  
Andrew silently shook his head no.  
  
It hurt Neil to leave him like this. Although he was aware that Andrew knew best what's good for himself at moments like this, Neil wanted to be close. Just in case.  
But Neil had to leave for training. It was enough that Andrew would be missing today without further explanation or without the doctor to sign him off sick.  
  
“Will you call me if you need anything? It doesn't matter when just call me if you change your mind.”  
  
Andrew's small nod was almost swallowed by his fluffy pillow.  
  
“Alright.”   
  
There wasn't much Neil could do now. He'd be gone for the next few hours. And there was no way he'd be able to concentrate on Exy today. Not with Andrew going through his pain all alone.  
  
Neil placed Andrew's phone on his bedside table and grabbed his duffel. While Andrew seemed to be starring at the wall, he truly was staring into nothing. His hand twitched at his side and he had to control it to not reach out and caress the blond hair. He wanted to kiss Andrew goodbye but that didn't seem like a better idea either.  
  
“I'm leaving for training now. Do you need anything?” He asked again. Another shake of the head.   
  
Before over thinking again, Neil left the bedroom and the apartment. It would be fine. Andrew would be fine.

* * *

 

Even before changing into his gear, Neil went to talk to the coach because of Andrew's absence. His teammates seemed a little surprised as Neil walked through the door without the shorter blond one behind him.   
The coach wasn't that surprised. Of course, he knew about Andrew's condition and his mental state, so while coach did look a bit startled and maybe a tiny little bit annoyed at Neil's short, summarized explanation why Andrew would not come to training today and maybe, just maybe tomorrow, he sent Neil away with a tight nod and an “It's okay.”  
  
That day he took his phone with him instead of leaving it in his locker.  
  
After a quick meeting with the whole team, discussing what they'd work on today and a swift mention that Andrew would be missing today, changing into his gear, warming up and a few drills, one of his team's backliners called him off the court with a look to Neil's ringing phone.  
  
“Did it ring before?” He asked, afraid of having missed a call. The Backliner shook his head “No. This is the first and only time.”  
  
Neil didn't have to look who was calling. Walking away from the others, he picked up.  
  
The other side of the line was quiet. Too quiet.  
  
“Andrew?”  
  
Andrew stayed quiet for some time. Neil used this time to listen to his steady breaths on the line and calming his own.  
  
It was quiet for another second, or two. Then “Can you come home?”  
  
Neil's heart pounded in his chest. That was all he needed. It was all he'd ever need. The man on the other side of the phone didn't have to say more but he quietly added: “I need you.”  
  
The pain Neil felt in his chest was unnerving. I'm coming, he thought. I'm coming.   
  
“I'm on my way.”  
  
The line went dead. And Neil didn't lose any time. Coach already came up behind him, wondering what's wrong, why Neil left the court in such a hurry.  
  
“Andrew.” Was all Neil said.  
  
Coach's face changed. But he wasn't mad. Not that Neil cared.  
  
“He needs me right now.”  
  
Coach sighed and made a motion with his hand “I knew what I signed up to with the two of you.”  
  
“Look, if you're worried about me falling behind I can come train another time. Or I'll stay longer next time-“  
  
But coach cut him off, waving his hand “I'm not worried about that. I appreciate it but that won't be a problem. Go, be with him. It must be bad if he's calling you.” A sigh, then “Take good care of him, we need our goalie back as soon as possible. But” He emphasized “Not at any price. Health, both physical and mental, have priority.”  
  
“Thanks, coach.”  
  
“Why are you still standing there? Go! Leave already.”

Neil didn't think he'd ever showered and changed this quickly. Barely a few minutes had passed since the call when he sat inside the car, barely one and a half hours since he left home.  
  
It was quiet. The music off, he needed to think. Hot chocolate. Was one the first things that came into his mind when he wondered what Andrew would like right now. Making some would take too long, Neil would have to stand near the stove to watch the milk.  
  
There was a Dunkin Donuts on the way, though. It would most likely be empty at this time, it wouldn't take long. Neil stopped, got some hot chocolate and some donuts for Andrew and drove as fast as possible back home.

* * *

  
Andrew still lay as he did when Neil left but now he had his hoodie pulled over his head. He put the donuts aside, placed the hot chocolate on Andrew's bedside table, took off his shoes and jacket and moved to lay behind Andrew under the blanket without touching him.  
  
“Hey,” Neil spoke quietly “I'm home. I'm home now.”  
  
The blond stayed quiet and didn't move but he acknowledged Neil with a small nod and he thought he saw the way his eyes darted to the to-go cup on the table. Neil leaned in, spooning Andrew in front of him.  
  
“Can I touch you?”  
  
Another small nod.  
  
“Words, Andrew.”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
It was so quiet, He almost didn't hear it. Neil closed the distance between them, his body length touching Andrew's, reaching over him to hold him and pressed a chaste kiss on Andrew's shoulder before he rested his head against it “I brought you some hot chocolate.”  
  
Neil's hand around Andrew found his hand and he slowly laced them together.  
  
“I'm here now. I'm glad you called. I couldn't stop thinking about you being here all alone. I'm glad I'm home now.” Normally by now, Andrew would already have told him to shut up but today, he didn't.  
  
Maybe it was even worse than Neil thought. He forgot everything around them. Nothing else was on his mind. Only Andrew mattered. Nothing else. Just Andrew. Always Andrew.  
  
He pressed another kiss to Andrew's shoulder “Do you want me to stop talking?”  
  
“No,”  
  
“Do you want to talk to Betsy?”  
  
“No,”  
  
So Neil talked for a bit. About how cold it was outside, about the training and what they'd talked about.   
Andrew stayed quiet and unmoving in front of him.  
  
“Andrew,” Neil whispered. Neil needed something from him. Anything. And Andrew knew, so he squeezed Neil's hand laced with his just for a small moment.  
Neil burrowed his head in Andrew's neck and breathed in the way he smelled. Quiet minutes passed.  
  
“Did you eat anything?”  
  
“No,”  
  
“You need to eat something. I could make you something. Pancakes if you want, or waffles?”  
  
“No,”  
  
“Okay, Anything else?”  
  
“Just stay.”  
  
“I will. I always will.”  
  
What felt like hours passed before Andrew turned in his arms. He looked at Neil and just the smallest sigh left his lips. Neil hoped it meant that he felt safe and loved.  
Neil moved the hand from Andrew's waist to his face, stopping just inches from it before Andrew nodded and he put his hand on his warm cheek, caressing and brushing through his hair, resting their foreheads against each other's.  
  
Andrew's eyes were still distanced and pulled far from here and now but occasionally they'd rest on Neil's face and a certain warmth filled his eyes.  
  
“You need to eat.” He said again after a while.  
  
“Not hungry.”  
  
“We have ice cream.” Neil tried again and he thought he saw just the tiniest spark of interest in Andrew's eyes “And Donuts.” He suddenly remembered.  
Another spark of interest in golden brown eyes.  
  
“I'll be right back.” After untangling himself, Neil went to grab the donuts and a small pint of Andrew's favorite ice cream with a spoon.  
His favorite pair of golden brown eyes were on him when he came back. Neil smiled slightly and placed both the donuts and the ice cream in front of Andrew on the bed before he slipped back under the covers.  
  
He gave Andrew the spoon “What do you want first?”  
  
A shrug.  
  
Neil slid close to Andrew again, half sitting, half laying and pressed his hand against his chest right above his heart.  
Andrew held his gaze for a moment.  
  
“I'm here,” Neil whispered staring into his eyes “I'm not ever leaving you.”  
  
A few moments passed with them starring at each other before Andrew moved his hand to rest above Neil's for a second and then moved on to touch Neil's ruined cheek with light fingers. Neil leaned into the touch and turned his head to kiss the palm of Andrew's hand.  
  
Their bodies aligned, their breathing synchronized. The words I love you, unspoken between them.  
They didn't need to say them. Both knew. They just _knew._  
  
Andrew was the first to move. He grabbed the spoon out of Neil's hand and reached for the softened ice cream. Neil watched him eat it for a moment and then grabbed a chocolate glazed donut.   
It was completely quiet for a while. Neil eating his donuts, Andrew spooning his ice cream and slurping his now mild warm hot chocolate while cuddled against Neil.

* * *

Later, they'd lay cuddled close to each other under the covers. Rain mildly drummed against the windows. They haven't spoken in a long while now. Andrew did not speak and Neil didn't want to push him to. Sometimes he had nightmares or memories about all the cruel bad things he'd been through, sometimes he had bad days too, but he did not have an eidetic memory that would show him pictures of every single thing. Some things were gone, some things were blurry or didn't make sense but not for Andrew. Not with a memory like his.  
  
At some point, Andrew had pushed his hand under Neil's sweater to feel the scars on his body. Without meaning to Neil's hand found its way to Andrew's scars too. Just so slightly pushing under the hem of his hoodie to feel the battered skin on his forearms.   
  
Both of them sought comfort in each other's scars from battles they had won. If just barely. They often did that when they needed it.  
  
“It's too much,” Andrew confessed quietly.  
  
“What is?”  
  
“Everything.”  
  
“Just today or always?” Neil asked carefully.  
  
Andrew shrugged “Today is much worse than usual.”   
  
“How can I help you?” He whispered back.  
  
Another shrug “I don't even know how to help myself.” Andrew admitted.  
  
Neil looked at him for a few moments unsure what to say before answering “If you figure it out, let me know."  
  
Andrew spoke again “You do help. You're here. That helps me.”  
  
“That's good.”  
  
“I don't know how to handle it.”  
  
Neil felt many things at that moment, His heart warmed in awe and pride. Andrew wasn't a man of many words. Especially not when it came to how he felt or what he's going through. Him opening up at this moment meant so much to Neil.  
  
“One step at the time.” Neil answered not knowing better or perhaps knowing too well what it felt like “One day at the time.”  
  
“Sometimes even one day seems too much.”  
  
Andrew looked at Neil who held his gaze, reaching out with his free hand “Then one hour at the time. And if one hour seems too much, then one minute at the time.” He caressed Andrews face carefully “You are not alone, Andrew. We will figure this out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my story, I hope you liked it.  
> Please, leave a comment or kudos if you did. That would make me so happy.


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